Announcing the Winner – and Sharing the Cinquains

Today is the day to announce… the winner of the signed copy of ‘Bully on the Bus’.

Entrants had to write a didactic cinquain on the topic of bullying. There were some fabulous entries. (I confess, I wondered why I ever had this great idea to hold a competition, because picking one winner is always so hard!) Thankfully I had some help judging… because I could never have done it alone!

But first… the entries! (In order of appearance.)

Power
Excessive, cruel
Resist, repel, overcome
Good will overcome evil
Support.
(Loris Doessel)

Bravado
Offensive, nasty
Fight, harass, annoy
Their own worst enemy
Bully
(Loris Doessel)

Power
Excessive, cruel
Resist, repel, overcome
Good will overcome evil
Support.
(Lois Doessel)

Bullying
Hurtful, dreadful
Targetting, embarrassing, teasing,
No person deserves it
Pain
(Year 4Red SFX)

Bully
Mean, cruel
Laughing, hurting, targeting
Making others feel small
DJ
(Year 4 White SFX)

Bully
Big, cruel
Threatening, scaring, stealing
She wants the power
DJ
(Year 4 Blue SFX)

Leroy
Bullied, small
Sad, helpless, lonely
Always fearful when bullied
Victim
(G in Year 4 W – SFX)

Leroy
Small, calm
Hoping, praying, wishing
Will it ever stop?
Target
(T in Year 4W – SFX)

Meany
Stinky, smelly
Pinch, snarl, punch
Menacing act that hurts
Maggots
(MN)

Bully
Selfish, horrible
Spits, kicks, names
The worse person ever
Bus
(RB)

Courage
Fearless, brave
Stand, unite, support
Stop bullies in their tracks
Friend
(Louise)

Bully
Huge, Meanie
Kicking, shouty, unkind
Attack with road anger
Boss
(LC)

Bully
Big, fat
Punch, pick, push
Big bully rude kicks
Meany
(JB and KG)

Bully
Nasty, rude
Spitting, pushing, pinching
Annoying unkind punching boss
Meany
(RF and CE)

Popular
Smelly, stupid
Snarls, spits, kicks
Very rude dumb bully
Annoying
(SB and JB)

Bullies
Huge, hairy
Pinchy, pushy, picky
The big scary bully
Bossy
(ES, JS, CB)

Bullies
Grouchy, mean
Push, hits, pinch
Hurts like burning lava
Dragon
(AS)

Bully
Intimidating, sneaky
Pushing, lurking, threatening
Stealer of kids lunches
Tormentor
(rachchurlz)

And the winner is…

Bravado, by Loris Doessel.

Bravado
Offensive, nasty
Fight, harass, annoy
Their own worst enemy
Bully
(Loris Doessel)

A tight cinquain that captures the bravado of bullies – who truly are their own worst enemies. Well done, Loris.

But wait! There’s more!

I cannot go past an entry from a Year 3 student. It catches me every time with its controlled creativity – and though there are grammatical errors, I overlook them in my delight of the cinquain. I recognise the simile from ‘Bully on the Bus’ – but also appreciate the cleverness of a young writer who has shaped the words to perfectly fit a new situation.

Bullies
Grouchy, mean
Push, hits, pinch
Hurts like burning lava
Dragon
(AS)

My suggestions would be; change ‘bullies’ to ‘bully’, to be consistent with the singular ‘dragon’ – and change ‘hits’ to ‘hit’ for consistent tense. But keep the magic!

I will contact you both by email, and a signed copy of ‘Bully on the Bus’ will be heading your way.

Thank-you to everyone who shared their fabulous entries. It was wonderful to have your participation, and read your powerful words. There were so many cinquains I marked for their fourth lines, especially; ‘menacing act that hurts’, ‘stealer of kids lunches’, ‘she wants the power’,  ‘making others feel small’, ‘no person deserves it’ – and the unexpectedness of ‘attack with road anger’. You nailed it! And I loved the empowering angle that Louise took with courageous friends.

Bullying. No Way! Day, is next Friday … but we all know bullying is never okay!