My Cocoa

Cocoa: Sixteen *

A calf has gorgeous deep, dark eyes
framed by long curled lashes
and when it sucks from the bottle
in your hand it is the cutest thing
and you want to keep it

She is old now;
grey hairs pepper her
black hide
and her tread… drags… slow…ly

as if she knows

the end is near –
and I
can’t bear
to let her

* © Kathryn Apel January 2013


 Some pets we have for a short time, and others seem to be with us for a lifetime. But not long enough…

Her name was Cocoa, and for almost 18 years, she dotted the landscape of our home paddock. Yesterday we said goodbye – and the view will never be quite so beautiful. Today I find my eyes still roving the paddock looking for her not-so-glossy, not-so-youthful frame… as sorrow wells and I remember all over again, that she is gone.

My Cocoa. xx

(Cocoa was my first bottle-reared baby; the shy one. Amber joined us 2 months later. Though we have had countless mobs of cattle in our home paddock over the years, the girls were rarely far apart. As the photos show.)


  1. Yet Cat, no matter how beautiful and rich your memories and no matter what a marvellous time she may be having now in her new paddock, that gap in your heart takes a while to feel less empty. Incredibly I am still pining over the loss of our colllie from earlier this year – still. Keep a smile in your heart till your next bit of wonderful turns up.


    • Awh, Dimity. I hear you. We lost our Gipsy Queen guinea pig 3 months ago and yes, the heart is still empty. It’s been a sad year. 😥 For Cocoa it’s a different kind of missing. She has been here almost as long as I have – a part of our family since before the boys were born. I don’t recognise this landscape without her in it. But I’m so thankful to have had her for so long.


  2. Pingback: My Amber « Kathryn Apel

Comments from readers are purrrrfect!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s